BY KATE FAVARO
C.T. Hospice of St. Lawrence Valley

Someone recently said to me, “It feels like they’ve been gone just a minute and a million years all at the same time. How is that possible?” It’s possible because grief and time are weird. Time itself is strange.

There are afternoons at work where the clock seems to have stopped, and others spent quietly reading on the couch, with a purring cat, when hours go by without notice. Entering a new calendar year without someone, perhaps the first calendar year without them, can bring up new layers of grief.

Grief is a hard thing to navigate and something that changes daily. Add that to the simple passage of time, and it becomes a wild experience.

While there is no timeline for grief, time itself is something you’ll need to work around and through. To help with this, Hospice of St. Lawrence Valley offers the following suggestions:

• Do the math (or don’t). It can be frustrating to not be able to easily answer how long it’s been since someone died. To write this column, I had to do the math to realize my grandma will have died seven years ago in May. That realization was hard on my heart. For me, it’s often easier not to do the math and simply refer to the year.

• Maintain a connection no matter how long it has been. If it is helpful and healthy for you to stay connected to the person who died, continue to do so over the weeks, months, and years after their death. You may notice a shift from a habit, something you’re doing nearly every day, to a ritual, something you set aside time for intentionally to feel close to the person. This looks different for everyone and can include eating a food they loved, wearing their jewelry, or simply talking to them.

While there is no “right way” to grieve, it can help to know you’re not alone in the way you experience time while grieving. It is one of the strangest parts of grief. If you’re looking for support in your grief or want to learn more, contact Hospice of St. Lawrence Valley at 315-265-3105.

Hospice is able to bring you this education through the support of our Trailblazer and Horizon Keeper Business Partners: Community Bank, N.A.; TJ Toyota; Donaldson-Seymour Funeral Homes; NuMed for Children; and SeaComm.

Kate Favaro, C.T., is the Grief Awareness & Education Manager at Hospice of St. Lawrence Valley.