Opinion: Under my Luci light in Parishville
To the Editor:
What's all this talk about wind turbans being green? Of course they ain't green. They is white. Only them edgycated peeple think they is green. Us folks out heah in the sticks know money is green and turbans is white.For those who are not already convinced, I will explain how industreal wind turbans will bennyfit the hole world.
To begin with, the wildlife bennyfits are all pawsitive because wind turbans will eliminate predators. No self respecting coyote is ever gonna use one o them turbans as a scent post. The coyote will take one look at that 500 foot twig and make tracks. Bear will also skeedaddle because their hearing is so sensitive they will be unable to hibernate anywhere near a turban. As far as killing bold eagles, well them eagles would have to have a bird brain to fly into them propillars. And there's too many Canadian geese anyway. The only safety issue that I wonder about when the geese get clobbered is how far will them propillar blades throw the carcass? That could really mess up my windshield. Once and for all folks, them turban blades simply do not kill bats! It's the air pressure changes around the spinning blades that explode the little bat lungs.
Now for the bennyfits to all our well water here in the countryside. It stands to reason that all the tons of concrete used will help divert water into our wells. Right? Water can't be in the concrete...it'll have to go somewhere else. Into our wells!
Folks seem cornfused about ice throw. The wind company says the turban blades don't throw ice. I believe this because why would any company that stands to make so much money off a project have any reason to lie to us?
Turban noise is nothing to worry about. Instead of speaking in plain English like " Wind turbans sound like a jet engine taking off" the smart folks refer to dBA. I don't know the difference between dBA, dBG, and dBC. Do you? This is something only elected officials understand. I seed where noise levels of 35 dBA and above start causing perverse health issues like sleep disturbance. I have partial hearing loss so I'm glad to report our wind company wants to set the noise limit at 45 dBA. Sleep depravation will help us all be more productive because we will be awake more hours. Frankly the only health issue I know of regarding wind turbans is blindness. So many people just can't see that their electric bill is going up by constructing turbans that are paid for by the subsidies on that same electric bill.
I envision our school surrounded by turbans. The children could use them as goal posts. And without a flicker shadow of a doubt surely you agree these industreal wind turbans would stand as perfect cymbals for our children's future.