By KELLY JOHNSON-EILOLA

If you are the parent of a St. Lawrence County teen you surely know by now it’s time for prom and graduation. You’ve been hit up for cash, prom tickets, shopping trips…oh the shopping! And as if that weren’t enough, there are the endless TV stories, blogs, and social media posts suggesting ways to lecture your teen about all the ways they can ruin their lives during prom and graduation season.

Well here is a different idea. Perhaps we can see this rite of passage as a way to celebrate and congratulate youth on what they do well in the North Country.

Let’s encourage teens to be emotionally and physically healthy during prom and graduation season. You’ve been telling your teen that cramming for tests is not the way to ace the exam; now let’s see all the important lessons you and your teen have learned throughout the years.

Respect. Let your teen know you are proud of the way they show respect for themselves and others. Teens can choose to be respectful in the way they dress and who is included in their special plans. Maybe they are sharing the cost with a friend or making sure no one is left out. Give your youth bonus points if they respect the situation of the youth who choose not to attend for personal, political, or financial reasons.

Looking Good. Point out how great they look and ask them how they feel when they are making healthly choices. Praise them when they don’t overdo it with crash diets and dangerous tanning. Eating a balanced diet, staying physically active, getting the right amount of sleep, and taking care of their skin should all be parts of a teen’s daily health plan—not just once a year.

Drinking & Drugging. Tell your teen how proud you are of their choices or let them know you expect them to make better choices if you are giving them another chance. Help them make a safe plan for transportation and how to get out of an uncomfortable situation. Your family has been working up to this for a long time. You’ve set limits, explained your concerns, and listened to what youth are saying about peer pressure and risk taking.

Safer Sex. Don’t assume they plan to have sex. Congratulate your teen for making good decisions that will leave them with joyous memories instead of a night to regret. Your teen has been learning who they are and what they believe in since the day they were born. Prom week is not the time to suddenly give them a long lecture that will embarrass you both. What teens want most from parents is someone who will listen to their concerns and help them see the bigger picture. Most teens do not have sex on prom night, and only 3-5% of all teens say it was their first time. Having condoms just in case does not increase the likelihood a teen will have sex, but it does reduce the risks when abstinence fails.

Consent. Don’t skip this one because you have a good kid. Give your teen an opportunity to impress you by listening to their explanation of sexual consent. Listen for: only yes means yes; maybe is a no and no is not an invitation for begging, threats, or pressure.

You can look it up as a family if either of you is a little unsure about issues of consent due to being under 17; using alcohol or drugs; being asleep or unconscious; or lack of a clear, verbal yes. Teens HELP and the Health Initiative has some information and suggestions for additional reading at slcteenshelp.org. Like getting consent, expressing our expectations needs to be direct, clear, and simple. Everyone needs to ask consent for all intimate acts. Touching, kissing, even slow dancing are only appropriate if both people really want to participate. Encourage your teen to set limits with a date before the prom or party.

Parenting is a hard job and watching your youth make healthy decisions is one of the rewards. As the teens get dressed up let’s be ready with the car keys, a hug, and the camera. And don’t pass up any opportunity to praise your teen for being a great person and making healthy choices. The Health Initiative has information about more ways to make healthy choices at gethealthyslc.org. Get Healthy, St. Lawrence County!

Kelly Johnson-Eilola is the Teens HELP coordinator for the St. Lawrence County Health Initiative in Potsdam.