To the Editor:

Recently, my mother, Stefanie Tischler, a long-time resident of Potsdam passed away. My brothers and I would like to thank family, friends and the Potsdam Community for the outpouring of love and support during this most-difficult time. We are extremely grateful.

Sadly, one place we did not receive support is from her church, St. Mary’s Church in Potsdam. Shockingly, the church that my parents had belonged to for over 50 years, where my siblings and I were baptized, made our first communions, confirmations, held family funerals; which owns the cemetery, St. Mary’s Cemetery, where my parents and three siblings are now buried, was not willing to honor one simple request: that I, her only daughter, be allowed to share a few special thoughts to honor my mother during the service.

In order to personalize her funeral service and give her the amazing tribute and the Catholic Mass we so desired, my brothers and I made the difficult decision to move her funeral to a lovely church in a neighboring town. We should not have had to make that choice. St. Mary’s Church was her church! It does not belong to a priest; it is God’s house and belongs to a community. Priests should be representatives of that community. All too often, and for far too many years, the representatives of St. Mary’s Church in Potsdam have put their own needs over those of their congregation, with few exceptions, where favoritism has occurred.

I hope the community in which I was born and raised will send this church and the Bishop (who will receive a copy of this letter) a message that this is not okay. Funerals are and should be about honoring the deceased, not about the priest and his personal rules. And to be clear, I am not talking about violating any rules of scripture or the church. Personally, I hope I never have to attend one more impersonal fill-in-the-blank service at St. Mary’s Church.

In closing, let me say that my mother’s funeral service was lovely; a beautiful Catholic Mass that was personal and warm. It was just what my mother deserved and what I always imagined for her. The church we chose was filled with love. The real loser that day was St. Mary’s Church, which sat empty, in all of its glory, while one of its faithful members was being honored elsewhere.

Ingrid Tischler-DeTorres

Celebration, Florida